Man found in WI basement covered in BBQ sauce

According to this story, "A couple telephoned police in the middle of the night after finding a man in their basement covered head to toe in barbecue sauce."

There are two sides to this story, and we're only getting one... as is the case with most shoddy reporting. SO, in the absence of the "perpetrator's" side of this affair, I'm going to write-up a short-story on how this guy came to be naked, covered in BBQ sauce and in someone else's basement. Suffice to say, this story will likely involve much wild conjecture and patent lying, but it ought to be good for a laugh... if it turns out, I'll share.